Blue Wolfe and Friends presents: Camp Here and There.
Episode Fifty Four: Swallow the Bite
[CLICK]
JEDIDIAH
The time is… 6:60PM, and the date is, I—I think June 26th. This is Jedidiah A. A. Martin, co-nurse at Camp Here & There, and I’ll be recording a session of conflict mediation between two… er… gentlemen, I guess, who have once again found themselves in a dispute. In accordance with the terms of my employment, I’ve made myself available as a neutral third party for the oversight of interpersonal conflict which has grown beyond the scope of blah blah blah BLAH—okay you two hurry it up.
JUNIPER
Mighty respectful, mate.
JEDIDIAH
[IRRITATED] You both know Sydney’s sick, and I don’t like leaving him alone. That’s why I’m not leaving the building.
JUNIPER
Well, Rowan’s sick too—
[ROWAN GROWLS IN IRRITATION]
JUNIPER
So where’s my sympathy, eh?
ROWAN
Oh my God.
JEDIDIAH
[SIGH] Right—
ROWAN
Fuck you, Juniper.
JEDIDIAH
[TAKEN ABACK] Jesus, Rowan—
JUNIPER
Aye, lad, later! Not while we have a guest! [LAUGH]
[AWKWARD SILENCE]
JEDIDIAH
Uh, right, well. Names and perspectives into the recorder. Please.
JUNIPER
Yes… [AHEM] few days ago Rowan stopped taking his medicine and ever since—and I say this in the spirit of Unimpeachable Honesty—it’s been a bad time. We’re talking: waking up the Shovel Club kids at 6am, not for some soft-pedaled enrichment activity, but to dig storm trenches ‘til their hands blister. He’s got them marching like soldiers, brandishing shovels to the rising dawn. And the language. Oh, the language! It’s like being pelted with tiny knives. I mean, I’ve heard sailors with more subtlety.
ROWAN
You wouldn’t last a day out at sea.
JUNIPER
That’s true. I was raised in Surrey during my teens. [WITH EXAGGERATED HUMOR] Terribly pampered.
ROWAN
[GRUMBLING] You’re not even from England.
JUNIPER
[TEARING UP] That’s what makes it so devastating.
JEDIDIAH
Hold on. This is about Rowan’s medication?
ROWAN
I don’t want to talk about it.
JUNIPER
That’s precisely the problem, isn’t it? Oh—Juniper Sloan, etcetera, etcetera, still talking now. What’s happened is Rowan’s had a heart-to-heart with nurse Sydney about … what was it, initiative? Or something? And now he’s just… stopped. Cold turkey.
ROWAN
Those pills don’t help. They just make it worse.
JUNIPER
They make you relax.
ROWAN
They make me slow.
JUNIPER
They help you sleep, lad.
ROWAN
Barely.
JEDIDIAH
Rowan, why did you stop?
ROWAN
[JUMPY AND ERRATIC] I just—I couldn’t stand it anymore. It’s supposed to dull the visions, right? But it doesn’t. I still see it, I still feel it.
JEDIDIAH
Rowan—
ROWAN
It doesn’t work! And it doesn’t make the storm less real! All it does is make it so I can’t function in emergencies. I’m slow, sleepy, dizzy, and I want to throw up half the time. The world is ending and I can’t do a fucking thing about it!
JUNIPER
[SOFT] You could do with a little nap, my dear.
ROWAN
Maybe you could do with a lightning strike to the face…!
JUNIPER
[SURPRISED LAUGH] See? That’s what I mean. It’s all fangs over here!
ROWAN
You don’t know what it’s like!
JUNIPER
No, I rather suppose not, mate.
JEDIDIAH
Did you consult with a doctor?
ROWAN
That shitty deer? No. I like my internal organs where they are, thanks.
JUNIPER
He means a “primary care physician,” dear lad.
ROWAN
We are at a summer camp, not a suburban clinic.
JEDIDIAH
Okay. So you made the decision on your own.
ROWAN
Yes! About my body and my brain. Wild concept! And they’re over the counter anyways, so fuck off both of you. Ugh! We’re wasting time.
[PAUSE]
JEDIDIAH
What is it like, Rowan?
ROWAN
[BREATHE] It’s like living with a glass dome over your head and someone’s shaking it all the time. Stuff inside doesn’t settle, it just keeps going and going. If I take the pills, I am a bottle of warm shitty, sloshing mush. If I don’t, sure I’m explosive, fine! But at least I’m awake.
JUNIPER
But you do admit forcing the kids up at unholy hours is against the spirit of summer camp, yeah? They’re meant to be having fun, not digging like it’s the godforsaken Western Front!
ROWAN
They’re all gonna die!
JEDIDIAH
Rowan—
JUNIPER
[TSK] Oh! What’s the use of all the stress, lad! You’ve got plenty of hands helping with preparations. We’ve got time for a nap and some nighttime sedatives.
ROWAN
There’s no time to sleep! The ground is unstable! I spent two weeks mapping the routes, planning the evacuation, but the latest projections are off, and any more water and we lose the whole north slope. I can’t be the only one who cares about not being buried alive!
JUNIPER
[STRUGGLING] You could assign someone else! Maybe delegate a bit! It doesn’t have to be you all the time. Please rest.
ROWAN
If I’m not on it, it gets done wrong. Or it doesn’t get done. [HE SMACKS THE TABLE] OR it gets done by JUNIPER and he paints racing stripes on the sandbags and forgets to actually stack them.
JUNIPER
Hey. That was one time, and it was extremely fun for the children!
ROWAN
[VERY FRUSTRATED, YELLING] It’s not about the children!
JUNIPER
[BITING HIS TONGUE] Right.
ROWAN
It’s about you, actually. About how you can’t handle me if I’m not fucking sedated.
JUNIPER
[LAUGH] What a cruel and trenchant insight! Now, if you could just tell it to a therapist instead of aiming it at me, that would be ace.
ROWAN
[BITTER] Isn’t that what Jedidiah’s for?
JEDIDIAH
Y-yes, I think that’s—um, the point.
ROWAN
Juniper can’t stand me unless I’m tranquilized.
JUNIPER
Lad, that’s not fair.
ROWAN
It’s the only reason you asked to date, right? Because you thought I was manageable?
JUNIPER
[HESITANT] That’s not— … It’s only half true.
ROWAN
Then what’s the other half?
JUNIPER
I think you’re fun! And a proper sweet time when—when you’re not, not… y’know.
ROWAN
Oh, go to hell…
JUNIPER
I love you!
ROWAN
You don’t mean it.
JUNIPER
I doooo!
ROWAN
You don’t.
JEDIDIAH
[QUIETLY] Sorry but—Rowan, could I ask—how did that conversation with Sydney go, exactly? What did he say that made you think you should stop…?
ROWAN
It wasn’t like that. He just… validated me.
JUNIPER
He’s a nurse, Rowan. He’s not a wizard. You can’t conjure new brain chemistry just because your mate has a lovely bedside manner.
ROWAN
He understands. Unlike you! You never listen. All you do is talk.
JUNIPER
I’m listening now! Look at me, being a perfectly engaged partner. All ears and no judgment.
ROWAN
You keep saying it’s for my own good. But it’s for your good, Juniper. You always need me to be sedated and compressed and “manageable.”
JUNIPER
[HUFF] Maybe you could try, just once, to—
ROWAN
—What? Just once, what?
JUNIPER
Oh, I don’t know, Rowan! Try trusting I have a bloody clue what I’m doing! Or, here’s a thought: trust that maybe, despite all evidence, I do care what happens to you! That I’m not just in it for the witty banter and the occasional snog behind the mess hall!
JEDIDIAH
You guys do that?
ROWAN
You don’t care. You just hate being inconvenienced.
JEDIDIAH
Hey. So, uh, it sounds like you both want to be heard—
JUNIPER
I want him to take his meds, Jedidiah. That is my want. I want him okay to the end of the session and perhaps beyond, too.
ROWAN
[GETTING AGITATED] Then stop forcing me to relax! I want you to stop acting like you know better than I do! The medicine doesn’t work. It doesn’t. If anything, it makes it worse. I can feel it, I can see it, even now, you’re telling me to blind myself!
JUNIPER
[FRUSTRATED SIGH] Let’s face it lad, you are… you’re always catastrophizing—
ROWAN
I’M NOT!
JEDIDIAH
If I could—
ROWAN
NO!
JEDIDIAH
I just—Rowan, is there a way I could help? Like, what would actually… make this less horrible for you?
ROWAN
I don’t expect you to help! That’s the point. I have shit to do! UGH!
JEDIDIAH
But if you had to pick—
ROWAN
[EXPLODING] CLOSE THE FUCKING BLINDS!
[SHUFFLING—A CHAIR IS KNOCKED OVER AS JEDIDIAH SCRAMBLES]
[BLINDS CLOSE]
[ROWAN BREATHES]
ROWAN
I need—I-I need some water.
JUNIPER
[SHUFFLING] Right on that—
ROWAN
N-NO! No.. I need… I need a minute. Sorry. I’m just gonna… head to the restroom. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.
[FOOTSTEPS]
[DOOR SLAMS]
[SILENCE]
JUNIPER
[HEAVY SIGH]
[JEDIDIAH WALKS BACK AND PICKS THE CHAIR UP]
JEDIDIAH
… How do you do it?
JUNIPER
Eh?
JEDIDIAH
That. Uhm. It’s… it’s a lot, isn’t it?
JUNIPER
Well, sure. Sometimes. But it’s his problem, not mine.
JEDIDIAH
It—
JUNIPER
He’s a grown man. And he’s lovely, really. I promise he’s—
JEDIDIAH
No, no. I… I believe he’s a nice guy and all just— like—how do you handle—a-all that? Isn’t it… aren’t you tired?
JUNIPER
[DEFENSIVE FOR ROWAN] I think he’s the tired one, mate.
JEDIDIAH
Sure.
JUNIPER
Like I said. It’s not my problem.
JEDIDIAH
[UNCERTAIN] Well, it is.
JUNIPER
No. I want to help him, but what’s that old wives’ saying about horses and donkeys?
JEDIDIAH
Uhh…
JUNIPER
Something about sipping a jello cube, right?
JEDIDIAH
Then why are you even here?
JUNIPER
[SIGH] Thought it worth a shot, I guess. But I can’t do much more, can I? If he decides this is what he wants, I guess I’m along for the ride.
JEDIDIAH
[CAREFULLY PRODDING] H-how are you two day by day? You don’t feel… like, a-any pressure?
JUNIPER
[THOUGHTFUL] Hmm. I really enjoyed our time last fishing season. Thought it as thrilling as a fox in a bin! And y’know, I’ve been a gay man for a long time, my whole life you might even say, but I admit I was a bit new to this transgender stuff—
JEDIDIAH
[CONFUSED] Uh-huh…?
JUNIPER
Right, so—look, I’ve been incredibly supportive. Heroically supportive, even. And I’ve been engaging with the “discourse.” Well… bits of it. Rowan showed me a thread about, erm, gender micro-labels? Micro-identities? Micro… appliances? Something like that. Didn’t follow a word, but I gave a very serious nod and said, “Yes, important stuff, this. Very modern.”
And I’ve done the research, too! Really dove in. I read an article about… what was it… gender performativity? Which I assumed was some sort of avant-garde theater. And then Rowan said something about the “gender binary collapsing,” and I told him I was fairly certain ours must’ve fallen over behind the washing machine.
But the point is: I am deeply in tune with all this gender politics business. Always have been. Business is my calling, after all. I keep hearing people say things like “nonbinary erasure,” and I nod along because an eraser is a stationery product, and I’m nothing if not pro-stationery.
JEDIDIAH
[EYES GLAZING OVER] Uh huh.
JUNIPER
I imagine it’s the same with you and Sydney, yeah?
JEDIDIAH
Uhm, well, I was young when it happened, so I didn’t understand it. But—uhm. I just want him to be himself. He can’t be anyone else, right…?
JUNIPER
[LAUGH] Mighty right, that! Mighty right.
[DOOR OPENING]
ROWAN
H-hey… I’m sorry. I’ve calmed down a little.
JUNIPER
Plan on taking your meds then, lad?
ROWAN
No.
[WALKING—ROWAN COMES IN AND SITS DOWN]
JUNIPER
Hm. Well, I’ve done my best. [HE LEANS BACK] Guess that’s the jello ass for you!
ROWAN
You’re like a bitter acid in my throat.
JUNIPER
[CHUFF] I’ll just keep the granola bars coming, then! Promise to at least eat them.
ROWAN
[SIGH] Jedidiah— I, uhm…
JEDIDIAH
Yeah?
ROWAN
You ever—I dunno—remember things and then wish you hadn’t? Not like the usual stuff. Just… you’re going about your day, and you get this crazy flashback. Suddenly, you’re ten, wearing a paper bag on your head, your mother is yelling at you from the apartment window to “get your ass down from there!” And you feel so fucking powerful and so… doomed all at once.
JUNIPER
That is specific!
ROWAN
I hated being inside. I mean, I liked TV and playing Sonic Adventure 2 with my cousin. I liked hiding in the dumbwaiter and eating freeze pops, but I hated—like, physically could not stand—the roof over my head. I’d climb up on the railings on our floor and pretend I could fly. Sometimes, I’d go all the way to the top of the stairwell and shout at the clouds, like, “Hey! I’m up here!” and wait, you know, for something to answer. I thought I ruled the world. I was so sure of it.
JEDIDIAH
Was this in Youngstown or…?
ROWAN
No. Iowa Falls. But it was the same everywhere. I needed to be out all the time. [CHUFF] It’d drive my mother crazy,
JEDIDIAH
Mhm.
ROWAN
[BREATHE] And I loved the summertime; its sweet, sour, bitter air that chokes the throat with heat. I loved it. At least I… think I used to. We would drive down Hardin road and shoot at the blackbirds eating corn. Because we were teenagers—lost in the haze of our own stupid, adolescent disillusion with life—and we had nothing better to do. I wish I could tell all those birds I’m sorry… Even then, watching them from my window—frantic and frenzied—left a sinking pit in my stomach. We never hit one though. You’re just a shitty kid with a shitty BB gun until you actually hurt something, and we never did. I liked the empty roads, though. I liked the dry, coughing asphalt. I liked the boy sitting next to me. I liked—… I liked the bright sky. Now all I want—all I can dream about is the cold, wet, ground. I need it. I need it to protect me, to protect us. [HE STANDS UP, YELLING] We’re all just sitting ducks to that evil FUCKING menace which stretches above our heads! Can’t you see it!? I need to stay down where the Earth will hold me!
JEDIDIAH
Rowan—!
[PACING BACK AND FORTH]
ROWAN
Don’t you see it, Jedidiah!? I remember— I remember a blueberry bush and I’d go outside to pick it and I’d be fine! It used to be fine! Now I need the soil!!!
JEDIDIAH
Rowan, please calm down—!
ROWAN
No! I see things because they’re there. I feel things because they’re real. Not because I’m “off my meds” or “catastrophizing” or whatever Juniper’s STUPID therapist boyfriend told him to say!
JUNIPER
He’s not my boyfriend, he’s my cousin!
ROWAN
Nobody listens! But the truth is… oh God. [HE SITS] I’m too scared to say it… [BREATHE IN] I’m afraid… Jedidiah. [VERY QUIET] I am so… so scared that the world is so, so… so wrong, and only a handful of us can even see it, and the rest are just… content to go on staring at the floor, pretending it’s all fine.
JUNIPER
[LAUGH, GENTLE AND SOFT] It’s always been this way, mate. Let’s get you a pint.
JEDIDIAH
I— Yeah. I’m sorry, Rowan.
JUNIPER
I love you, my dear. But Legsworth gets storms the size of double-decker buses doing the can-can every year, and it’s been that way since I was knee-high to a kettle!
ROWAN
I might be the only one…
JEDIDIAH
I’m sorry.
ROWAN
I love you too, Juniper… But…
JUNIPER
[CONCERNED] Lad, don’t just trail off like that. What do you mean?
ROWAN
I mean that I’m tired.
JUNIPER
I imagine! Please, get some sleep.
ROWAN
I know. I will. I just… need some air.
[ROWAN GETS UP]
JUNIPER
You want me to come with you? I can. I will. Just say so.
ROWAN
[HOLLOW AND DISTANT] No. I’m fine.
[PAUSE]
ROWAN
Get back to Sydney. And I… I’ll sort myself out.
JUNIPER
Aw, lad… I get it. You do what you need to do, I’ll support you in any way I can, alright? I’m sorry for the hard time—honest.
ROWAN
Yeah…
JUNIPER
Compromise, alright? Stop waking the kids so early. It’s not necessary, but you do what you need. How’s that?
ROWAN
Yeah. Okay, Juniper.
JUNIPER
Right-o, then! Hey, you can keep insulting me if that makes you feel better!
ROWAN
I just… I need a moment. Somewhere quiet.
[FOOTSTEPS]
JEDIDIAH
Where?
ROWAN
[PAUSE] Around.
JUNIPER
And you’ll come back?
ROWAN
…Yeah. Eventually.
[PAUSE]
Bye, guys.
[FOOTSTEPS FADE IN THE DISTANCE]
JUNIPER
[TONGUE CLICK] [HEAVY BREATH]
JEDIDIAH
Uh… was that normal?
JUNIPER
… Ehhhh. So, so… best leave him on his own…
[CLICK]
Today’s episode of Camp Here & There was written and directed by Blue Wolfe.
Sensitivity read by Ragtime.
The role of Jedidiah Martin was performed by Voicebox Vance.
The role of Rowan Chow was performed by Corey Wilder.
The role of Juniper Sloan was performed by Tom Laflin.
With original music composed by Will Wood and produced by Jonathon Maisto.
Additional music composed by Kyle Gabler and Another You.
Dialogue editing by Emily Safko
Audio engineering by The Leo!
Sound design by Blue Wolfe and Another You.
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Special thanks to Bee8467, Rhianna Koppes, and Amelia Frogfood.
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