Blue Wolfe and Friends presents: Camp Here and There.
Episode Fifty Eight: How a River Runs
JEDIDIAH
The date is June 28th at 1:17PM. Okay, get this over with. I need to get back to this lake day thing.
YVONNE
Why?
JEDIDIAH
No reason.
[SILENCE]
JEDIDIAH
I promised Sydney I’d attend.
JOSHUA
[GROWL]
YVONNE
Oh, get over it.
JEDIDIAH
You guys really need to learn how to manage your own issues.
YVONNE
I’m fine.
JOSHUA
I’m not.
JEDIDIAH
Yeah.
YVONNE
I was joking!
JEDIDIAH
Okay… Yvonne, what’s wrong?
JOSHUA
Dude.
JEDIDIAH
You’ll get your turn.
YVONNE
Oh, I don’t know. Joshua’s being kind of a dick.
JOSHUA
You publicly humiliated me!
YVONNE
Relax! The kids had fun, and we had nothing to do anyway.
JOSHUA
You literally made a whole activity out of proving I’m stupid!
YVONNE
That’s not what I—
JOSHUA
You got all the kids to sit there and watch Sir Thumper not come back, and then you told that whole story about how I’m pathetic and—and feeding “one-sided relationships” or whatever.
YVONNE
I was making some fun out of you breaking an important rule.
JOSHUA
It was just a rabbit!
YVONNE
That you were feeding! You can’t just— [SHE TAKES A BREATH] Joshua, it happened, and it’s over with. I won’t do it again. Can we be done with it now?
JOSHUA
Is it my turn yet?
JEDIDIAH
[CHECKED OUT] Sure, whatever.
JOSHUA
[ANNOYED GRUNT] Just… that. I was humiliated, and it wasn’t fair, and Yvonne won’t apologize for it.
YVONNE
[SIGH] We joke like that all the time. I’m sorry.
JOSHUA
For what you said, or for saying it out loud?
YVONNE
I—
[SILENCE]
JEDIDIAH
Am I missing something…?
YVONNE
No. You have to get over it now, man.
JOSHUA
This is just like that party at Sawyer’s house.
YVONNE
Which one?
JOSHUA
Figures.
YVONNE
We had a lot of parties in college, dude. Don’t hold that against me.
JOSHUA
The one where Sydney got blackout drunk and puked all over me.
JEDIDIAH
Wait, really?
JOSHUA
And you kept laughing at me! But, like—
YVONNE
Oh yeahhhh wait, I remember that.
JOSHUA
You didn’t even try to help.
YVONNE
I mean—
JOSHUA
It was really hurtful.
YVONNE
Okay, yeah, that was stupid of me. But also… Like. That’s just what happens when you drink too much.
JEDIDIAH
Sydney went to a party with you?
JOSHUA
Yeah, why?
JEDIDIAH
I-it’s not like him.
JOSHUA
Mm…
And you guys just… stood there. Like, I had to take him to the bathroom and get him cleaned up while everyone was laughing about it. I had to help him change his shirt because he couldn’t even stand up straight. And the whole time, you’re out there telling everyone about how I—
YVONNE
[DEFENSIVE] I don’t remember that part.
JOSHUA
[SCOFF] Of course you don’t! You were too busy making jokes!
YVONNE
Dude, I think I was just really cross-faded.
JEDIDIAH
You helped him change?
JOSHUA
Yeah? Someone had to.
JEDIDIAH
Where was I during all this?
JOSHUA
I don’t know, dude. You weren’t there.
JEDIDIAH
He never told me about any parties.
YVONNE
Uh-huh.
JEDIDIAH
… Yeah.
JOSHUA
Dude, you literally avoided us for like two semesters.
JEDIDIAH
I was studying.
YVONNE
Mhm.
JEDIDIAH
I had a heavy course load.
JOSHUA
Sydney would ask where you were all the time. Like, constantly. “Have you seen Jedidiah? Do you know if he’s okay?” It was kind of sad, honestly. He spent half of the year trying to figure out why you stopped talking to him. And then he started showing up to parties, and drinking way too much, and—
JEDIDIAH
[CUTTING IN] And you took advantage of that?
JOSHUA
What!? Dude, no! I was helping him!
JEDIDIAH
By getting him drunk and laughing at him?
JOSHUA
I didn’t get him drunk!
YVONNE
Okay, everybody calm down—
JEDIDIAH
Berate me all you want. You let a sick man drink himself under the table.
JOSHUA
He’s a fucking adult!
JEDIDIAH
[ANGRY] And no one told me this.
JOSHUA
[INCREDULOUS] Dude. Are you serious right now?
JEDIDIAH
You had no right—
JOSHUA
Where were you, then? Huh? Where the hell were you?
YVONNE
[UNCOMFORTABLE] Okay, this is getting really intense—
JOSHUA
I’m just saying what everyone was thinking! He’d sit in your dorm lobby for hours hoping you’d walk by. He’d make excuses for why you weren’t around. “Jedidiah’s really busy. Jedidiah has a lot going on.” But we all knew you were just avoiding him.
YVONNE
Joshua, maybe—
JOSHUA
And then when he finally started trying to have fun without you, you weren’t even there to see how messed up he got! I had to deal with it. Me and Yvonne. Not you.
JEDIDIAH
Joshua, I do not think Sydney thinks kindly of you, nor would he think kindly of this conversation, and I am trying my best to be impartial and polite here, but you are frankly pushing my buttons.
JOSHUA
You’re such an asshole. Sydney deserves better.
JEDIDIAH
Incredibly disrespectful thing to say.
JOSHUA
It’s—
YVONNE
Joshua, cut it out.
JOSHUA
No, he needs to hear this. You make Sydney miserable, and it’s all your fault.
YVONNE
Dude.
JOSHUA
When’s the last time you’ve taken him to a— what, I don’t know. A local game night? A book club?
JEDIDIAH
You know why that can’t happen.
JOSHUA
You’re not even trying!
JEDIDIAH
[IRRITATED] You have no authority to speak on my life or my relationship. I’m leaving.
YVONNE
No! Wait! I don’t agree with him, for the record.
JEDIDIAH
Mm.
JOSHUA
The only time he can socialize is this one month, what, all year?
JEDIDIAH
Joshua—
JOSHUA
You’re the one who’s toxic-ly masculine, dude!
JEDIDIAH
What am I— like, what do you guys… want me to do here? This is very uncomfortable.
JOSHUA
[GRUNT OF ANNOYANCE]
YVONNE
Ugh. Joshua! This is exactly what I mean.
JOSHUA
Man, what?
YVONNE
Sydney can think for himself, just like he can drink for himself, and your machismo act is getting really old.
JOSHUA
Yvonne.
YVONNE
You both piss me off!
JEDIDIAH
Uh.
JOSHUA
It’s crazy how little you care.
YVONNE
[RESIGNED AND TIRED, RUBBING THEIR FACE] I do care, Joshua. But year after year, you both have all these issues, and there’s one common denominator.
JEDIDIAH
I want to leave this situation.
YVONNE
Well, now I have a conflict, and it’s how totally stupid that guy makes both of you!
[PAUSE]
He’s manipulative. Every time something doesn’t go his way, he weaponizes it, and you guys both eat it up. Like, his constant self-destructing isn’t cute when he’s a grown-ass adult.
JEDIDIAH AND JOSHUA
“Eat it up?”
YVONNE
You do! You both do! And Sydney’s learned that if he self-destructs hard enough, one of you will come make it all better. It’s manipulation, whether he means it that way or not.
JEDIDIAH
I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t think Sydney feels this way about Joshua specifically.
JOSHUA
Dude, shut up!
YVONNE
Both of you stop! My point is he’s completely capable of talking for himself, and he does. All the time.
JOSHUA AND JEDIDIAH
He’s struggling.
YVONNE
So struggle back! Tell him no! Tell him to get his shit together! But instead, you [SHE POINTS AT JOSHUA] enable him by treating him like some fragile baby bird instead of someone who’s really mean to you, and you [SHE POINTS AT JEDIDIAH]—enable him by disappearing whenever things get hard and then coming back like nothing happened.
JEDIDIAH
I have told him no, Yvonne…
YVONNE
He’s manipulating you.
JEDIDIAH
What do you want me to do!? Let him die?
YVONNE
It’s just not your problem, man.
JEDIDIAH
I mean, that’s a nice quip, but it quite literally is.
YVONNE
You’re letting it be.
JEDIDIAH
[SIGH]
YVONNE
I love you, man. I can’t take this.
JEDIDIAH
Well… you really don’t have to. I’m fine.
YVONNE
This is exactly why I couldn’t keep sleeping with Salem. I love them both, but her constant control over everything was stressing me out too much.
JEDIDIAH
Just how many of the counselors are engaging in deviant activities on the clock?
YVONNE
Relax, it’s not at camp. Wait— What do you mean?
JEDIDIAH
Nothing. It’s fine.
YVONNE
I live near them, dipass. You’d know that if you talked to me every now and then.
JEDIDIAH
Why do you think I keep tolerating these godawful meetings?
YVONNE
I dunno. I always figured to get away from Sydney for a while.
JOSHUA
[SNRK] He does that plenty on his own.
JEDIDIAH
You are on my last nerve.
JOSHUA
[RASPBERRY] Pbttt!
JEDIDIAH
It was… I wasn’t— … I was a bad person back then. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. A lot happened. I guess I— I don’t know, maybe I thought I was protecting him… But it’s not like that now.
JOSHUA
From what?
[LONG SILENCE]
JEDIDIAH
[QUIET] From me.
YVONNE
Jedidiah.
JEDIDIAH
I couldn’t—I didn’t— I mean, you’re… Like. There’s some truth, I guess. But you saw what happened. Er… Well. Yeah. I’m here for him, now and forever.
YVONNE
[SIGH] Yeah. I know.
JEDIDIAH
… [QUIET] For your own good, you should stop caring about me.
YVONNE
Mm.
JOSHUA
Dude, I just wanted an apology.
YVONNE
I said I was sorry, man.
JOSHUA
And I don’t see him like a baby bird or whatever.
YVONNE
Fine, Joshua. Why do you let him treat you like that?
JOSHUA
It’s just— … It’s just like… It doesn’t bother me, y’know?
YVONNE
But when I act just like him by insulting you on a microphone, I do?
JOSHUA
I dunno.
YVONNE
You just don’t deserve all that.
JOSHUA
It’s like— [SCOFF] There’s like no good way to say this, so bear with me. Sydney’s like… like. He’s like— Like. God, this is hard to say.
YVONNE
Chill, it’s fine.
JOSHUA
He’s not a cis guy. You get it, right? Like, I know you’re not a woman, Yvonne.
YVONNE
Heh. I’m just a lesbian.
JOSHUA
Yeah! I know that, but like— I know my place in life. It’s just— It is what I deserve, y’know.
YVONNE
[LAUGHS]
JEDIDIAH
That’s insane.
JOSHUA
I mean— There’s levels of humiliation, right? Like, I’ve thought about this a lot.
It’s like— I’m on a stage. And I’m performing. And there are people laughing at me from different places in the theater.
Some people laugh because they think I’m funny, like we’re all in on the joke. Like— I’m entertaining people, and they appreciate it.
But then some people think I’m a joke, not because I’m trying to be funny, but because I’m just… naturally ridiculous. Those laughs kinda hurt.
But here’s the thing— What makes it okay, I guess. Most of the time, the people laughing at me from that hurtful place? They’re… I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a total dick. But they’re usually… people who have it worse than me, yknow. People who are, like…
Like, they’re below the stage. They’re in the pit, looking up while I’m performing. And because they’re down there, and I’m up here, there’s this… distance. It’s not like they can actually hurt me, you know?
I’m up here with these masks. Happy mask, sad mask, whatever the stage calls for. I switch them out depending on what people need from me. And the people below can laugh all they want, but it’s… It’s harmless, really. Because they’re not on my level.
God, that sounds so bad. I don’t mean it like— like I’m better than them or anything. I just mean… Like, in the hierarchy of things. I’m a white guy. I’ve got money. I’m in college, on track to graduate. So when someone who’s got less than me laughs at me, it’s not the same when someone who’s got more than me does it.
YVONNE
[UNCOMFORTABLE] Dude…
JOSHUA
I know how it sounds! But. Like, when Sydney or you make fun of me, it really doesn’t sting. Because Sydney’s… He’s got all this stuff going on. And like, I don’t. So when he laughs at me, it’s from below the stage. It’s totally harmless. I guess I didn’t feel that way about the Sir Thumper thing…
JEDIDIAH
That’s… incredibly condescending.
JOSHUA
Is it? I don’t mean it that way! I just mean— like, I can take it from him because he needs it more than I do. He needs someone to be the punching bag, and I can be that for him.
YVONNE
Holy shit, Joshua.
JOSHUA
What?
YVONNE
Like, you’re basically saying Sydney’s too pathetic to hurt you.
JOSHUA
No! That’s not—
JEDIDIAH
That is what you’re saying.
JOSHUA
I’m trying to explain! That’s why I don’t mind when he’s mean to me! Because he needs it! And I can be that person!
YVONNE
Real noble bit of pity, man.
JOSHUA
It’s— it’s compassionate! He’s going through something, and he needs an outlet, and I can be that outlet because I’m… I’m sturdy enough to take it.
JEDIDIAH
Eh.
JOSHUA
[DEFENSIVE] I am sturdy!
YVONNE
You’re crying right now.
JOSHUA
I’m not crying!
JEDIDIAH
You are crying.
JOSHUA
[VOICE CRACKING] This is so stupid. I don’t know why I’m trying to explain this to you guys. You don’t get it.
YVONNE
You’ve convinced yourself that being your friend’s punching bag is good because you think they’re beneath you.
JOSHUA
That’s not what I said!
JEDIDIAH
I don’t like how Sydney is being talked about here. He just doesn’t like you.
JOSHUA
I just— [HE SNIFFLES] I just think that if I can make his life a little easier by letting him be mean to me, then that’s worth it. And I know he doesn’t care about me the same way, but that’s like— fine. That’s probably how it should be.
YVONNE
Why should that be how it is?
JOSHUA
Because that’s my place! I already said that! I know where I belong in the world, and it’s… it’s being useful to people who need it.
JEDIDIAH
[DISGRUNTLED] Mmmmm…
JOSHUA
[ANGRY] Well, maybe you should look in a mirror, dude! You’re doing the exact same thing with him, except you won’t even admit it!
JEDIDIAH
I am not.
JOSHUA
How!?
JEDIDIAH
I’m not deluding myself into thinking he’s beneath me.
JOSHUA
But you do think you’re better than him! You think without you, he’d die or something!
JEDIDIAH
Mm… [QUIET] He would.
JOSHUA
See!? You’re just as bad as me!
YVONNE
Oh my God, you’re both insane.
JOSHUA
I’m not insane!
YVONNE
You literally just described yourself as a stage performer switching between happy and sad masks for an audience!
JOSHUA
[DESPERATE] But that’s how it works! As long as the laughter comes from below, it doesn’t hurt.
JEDIDIAH
And what happens when it comes from above?
JOSHUA
I dunno…
YVONNE
[SOFTLY] Joshua, man…
JOSHUA
I need to go.
YVONNE
Wait—
JOSHUA
No, I’m done. I’m done with this. You guys don’t understand, and I don’t want to keep trying to explain it.
YVONNE
Joshua, sit down.
JOSHUA
I said I’m done!
[ART CABIN DOOR CLOSES]
JEDIDIAH
[SIGH]
YVONNE
I’ll apologize again to him later. He just needs time to cool down.
JEDIDIAH
I miss you, Yvonne…
YVONNE
Yeah.
[SILENCE]
YVONNE
I’m gonna… bye, I guess.
JEDIDIAH
Bye.
[PAUSE]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[ART CABIN DOOR CLOSES]
JEDIDIAH
I… I think I’m done doing this. I know Fennel wanted to talk to me Friday, but… I think that’ll be the last one I do. Joshua is… Sydney can’t… make me do these.
[CLICK]
Today’s episode of Camp Here & There was written and directed by Blue Wolfe.
The role of Jedidiah Martin was performed by Voicebox Vance.
The role of Joshua Macheath was performed by Ty Coker.
The role of Yvonne Marley was performed by Emily Safko.
With original music composed by Will Wood and produced by Jonathon Maisto.
Additional music composed by Kyle Gabler, and Another You.
Dialogue editing by The Leo!
Sound design by Blue Wolfe and Another You.
And a special thanks to Patrons for making this possible!
Special thanks to Jackdaw and Salted Goat.
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Thank you for listening to Camp Here & There! And remember: All directions collapse upwards.